Dear Eve…

Dear Eve…

Did you really forsake millions of women for a quick one night romp in the Garden of Eden? Your reckless actions condemned the rest of us to ugly afflictions such as menstruation, girdles, pregnancy, weight gain, varicose veins, angst-riddled teens and pot-bellied husbands. I certainly hope it was worth it. I hope your orgasm was so earth shattering it made your teeth chatter and the Lord exclaim: ‘Goddamn almighty!’ from his lofty perch in the clouds. Adam must have been one studly beast for you to completely ignore the one rule you were given: ‘Whatever you do, just stay away from the apples!’ And instead of listening, not only did you pick the apples, you sliced ‘em, diced ‘em, put ‘em in a pie and served it to poor, innocent Adam. Oh, you wicked, wicked girl. Now we’re all paying. Instead of scampering around paradise, free and naked as a jaybirds, we’re all hussied up with make-up, high-heels, fake tits, pumped lips and major self-esteem issues. Because of your little digression, men now rule the world–and have practically destroyed it might I add–wars broke out, seas heaved, temperatures rose, bras were invented, women were treated like second-class citizens and I’m forced to teeter around in painful stiletto heels (another male devised torture device) just to please a public that says you’re no good after forty. Good Lord, girl! Why couldn’t you just enjoy the simplicity of the Gardens pleasures, huh? There were cantaloupe, watermelon, peaches, kiwi, oranges, grapes, bananas and the list goes on, but the one thing you had to have was a boring, old apple? I don’t even like apples. Do you know your decision gave birth to whole women’s movements? The one that really turned things upside down was feminism. It was a great thing in many ways. It certainly helped us regain lost ground, no thanks to you. It seemed like a step forward for us women. But as time passed, I started to notice something fishy: women were doing just as much, plus they had the added pressures of a job! Now who was going to take care of the kids? A mess. A royal mess. With men and women working, once happy households became unbalanced, divorce rates shot up and kids have become techno zombies…

…and all because of one bite from an apple. Do me a favor: the next time a serpent offers you an apple, take the kiwi, instead!

Sincerely,

PowderGirl

Dear Lauryn Hill…

Dear Lauryn,

I used to think you could do no wrong. But sometimes, even the stars fall out of the sky, tumbling to earth, merely destined to be a pockmarked stone for the rest of its once glorious days. I tried to call but you didn’t pick up. So I decided to write. I know you don’t have a lot of time to talk. Six little ones will keep anyone’s hands full! How’s the baby boy doing? He’s a few month old now, right? I was listening to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill a few days ago and it got me thinking…do you have any regrets? Do you ever wish you had done things differently? Or are you exactly where you saw yourself all those many years ago? Me? I’m so far from where I want to be I may as well be a galaxy away from my destination…but I’ll get there. I bought the last album and was a little confused. I didn’t understand it. I kept trying to find traction and meaning from one track to the next, but never quite got there. But your beauty and depth still shined through. No matter how many years pass, those are qualities that will always be there. Have I told you how much I miss you? I do. I really miss who we used to be together. The strength you exuded. The confidence you instilled in not just me, but black women everywhere. You told us it was okay to be natural and sexy and beautiful. You told us we all had a powerful inner voice if we were just willing to listen to it. And when you won that Grammy, we all won. Then…things started to change. We all know that musicians, because of their contracts with big name record companies, don’t necessarily get to express themselves the way they want. Not getting to do what you want is a necessary evil in the entertainment industry. But your expression was unique and singular. Special. So I was definitely surprised when you expressed unhappiness with your record company. But whoever knows the inner-workings of the music world? Certainly not me! Then, Zion came along and we were all surprised again. The Grammy was barely in your hands before it was replaced by a bouncing baby boy. But we were all pretty happy for you. Though some people wondered how you’d keep a hot new career trippin’ along with a new baby in the house. But me, I knew better. I knew it wouldn’t be a problem for the indomitable Lauryn Hill……but I was wrong. As the babies kept coming, your once star strewn path of success faded further and further from view. Until after a while, it became lost beneath the shadow of scandal and speculation. ‘Lauryn’s baby is by Rohan Marley, a married man’ ‘Lauryn’s hairdresser cheated with her baby daddy’ ‘Lauryn Hill’s Unplugged is baffling on so many levels, it’s hard to know where to begin…’ This was the chatter that was so loud and numerous, it turned into a jumble of white noise. I know you and Rohan are no longer together and that your newest baby is by a man whom it is none of our business to know. We all sometimes wander off the path as we search for deeper meaning in our lives. We all have, at one point or another, chosen the wrong man and cried ourselves to sleep many nights because of it. And we all lost a little bit of ourselves when you fell off the pedestal we placed you on. None of us can judge. But we can ask…

…are you happy?

I love and miss you.

Sincerely,

PowderGirl

Powder Girl (Guy) of the Day: Big Freedia

Oh my. Normally, I wouldn’t post any dude to my Powder Girl of the Day post for obvious reasons. But this dude–Big Freedia–because of his gigantic entertainment value and the tiny little fact that he’s a big-assed, cross dressing, freaky-deaky, New Orleans rapping phenom, made me change my mind. He is a mix between DC Go-Go (Like Rare Essence without the horns and drums), funk and 80′s hip-hop and I was utterly intrigued. Firstly, the reason I’m writing this post to begin with is because he was here in my neck of the woods in Durham, NC and I fuckin’ missed the show! Now, before I picked up The Independent–a little offbeat news and entertainment paper for the RTP, North Carolina area–and started flipping though the pages, I had no idea who this dude was. I just knew I wanted something to do. I read a little article about him and knew I wanted to see him perform. Unfortunately, the show was YESTERDAY! After I had completed my Charlie Brown Arrrrggggghhhh moment, I Googled him, went to his site and was frustrated anew that I had missed this performance. Don’t be like me people, be in the know. Go to his website and check out his tour dates. Here’s the link: Big Freedia’s Tour Schedule and Get Yo’ Freak On!

This Week’s Short Film – T is For Toilet

This Week’s Short Film – T is For Toilet. I first saw this on filmbalaya.com. This claymation short is sooo good…it’s SCARY! Watch at your own risk…!

Black Writers Reunion and Conference Labor Day Weekend 2012

For all my writers out there, mark your calenders, stop procrastinating and start writing! Stop making all the old excuses: ‘No one will be interested in what I’m writing.’ ‘There are too many writers. I’ll never get published anyway.’ ‘I don’t have the time to write.’ ‘I’m not nearly as good as those other writers’. Maybe one or all of these things are true. Maybe none of them are true. Whatever the situation, you’ll never know if you don’t try. Start with this great conference and maybe you’ll become the writer you always wanted to be! Here’s the link: http://www.blackwriters.org Also, you may want to submit a proposal for the conference either as a stand alone workshop or as a topic to be discussed during breakfast. Please check this out and stop letting procrastination rule your life!

Why Cursing is One of Mankind’s Greatest Achievement’s

Why do we look so disparagingly upon the magnificent and underrated curse word? Personally, I love to fucking curse. It’s a release. Sort of like throwing a pricey piece of China against the wall and hearing it shatter into a gazillion satisfying little shards. I mean, what else can we do when a Godawful driver in a pricier vehicle cuts us off, nearly causing a ten car pileup, as we’re headed home to whining children and annoying spouses? Or when the shopper behind us surges forward to snatch the last of the seasons Tickle-Me-Elmo toys right from under our noses; the ONLY toy your child wanted for Christmas? Or when the cake falls, the turkey dries out, and your gravy is lumpy, and all the people you invited the last three Thanksgiving’s, but never showed up, are thumping at your door this holiday season just in time for all these catastrophes? Or when your more successful/perfect/beautiful sibling deftly points out all of your most embarrassing moments at what was supposed to be your best birthday party ever? What but God’s Gift to Language could solve the minor and major annoyances that life tosses in our paths? Opening your mouth and uttering a loud and empathetic ’Fuck!’ ‘Shit!’ or ‘Goddammit You Fucking Asshole!” is the best therapy ever. I’m sure many a would-be-victim was left, body intact, because of proper languages bastard cousin–the curse word–being uttered in a time of great need. I often wonder how many men might still be alive today, if instead of their wives/girlfriends picking up guns, knives or a handy-dandy bottle of arsenic when they were caught in bed, doggy-style, with the neighbors eighteen-year-old daughter, they had screamed a loud and heartfelt ‘Fuck You You Lying Cheating Shit Eating Bastard!’? I guarantee you Lorena Bobbit uttered a tremendous curse when after years of alleged abuse, she merely cut her then husband John Bobbit’s dick off and tossed it in a field, as opposed to putting the same knife straight through his heart like many women probably would have done. Also, cursing allows many of us to have greater artistic and verbal creativity. Where the hell would we all be if comedian’s didn’t have curse words to contribute to their sometimes mediocre dialogues? There are a few comedians I can think of right now that wouldn’t be funny at all. Hell–many of the most famous rappers wouldn’t have a punchline if not for the noble curse word! Cursing adds a richness to the everyday boredom of modern English vernacular. Why, if cursing were never invented, states like New York and New Jersey would be wiped clean off the map. Not to mention how many reality stars would still simply be ‘Housewives’. I’ve read that there are languages, such as Japanese, that have no curse words. You know what I say to that? ‘FAAACCCK NO! You gotta be kiddin’ me!’ A language without curse words is not a language I want or need to learn. Cursing is a wonderful medium in which we can all become artists. As in any art form, some of us will be better at it, either because of frequent practice, or illustrative and creative interpretation.  In parting I say: Live, love, curse well and goddamn it, CURSE OFTEN!

Deviant Art: Best Fuckin’ Art Site Ever!