Let’s face it: we women get pissed when our men look at other woman. We hate it. But for them, it’s just an instinct, a knee-jerk reaction. In fact, Louann Brizendine, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco, supports this in her commentary, ‘Love, Sex and the Male Brain’. She refers to something she pens as the “Man trance”, whereby, ‘…Their visual brain circuits are always on the lookout for fertile mates. Whether or not they intend to pursue a visual enticement, they have to check out the goods.’
But I’m a little different. Far from caring if my husband looks; I encourage it. Now reel it in ladies. I know some of you are sucking your teeth and shaking your head in disbelief. “This woman lets her man look at other women? She’s asking to get cheated on!” Not quite.
Whether or not we like it, most men look at porn and most men look at other women online. It’s just a fact. My husband is no different. And to be quite frank, I really don’t give a damn. As long as he is no addict–which is completely unacceptable–I am A-okay with a little cyber-voyeurism. This is where my, ahh, ‘flexibility’ becomes apparent.
In my travels across cyberspace, there are a many naughty websites and Facebook pages I have come across. Each has very beautiful, scantily clad ladies sprawled across their juicy pages. Being that I am a curious person, I will look at these pages, tilting my head this way and that…and then call the hubby over. “What do you think of her?” I ask, slyly. “She’s gorgeous. But her ass is a little big for my tastes,” is a fairly typical response.
This exchange is a lot of fun for me. There is mutual enjoyment. I get to check out the husband’s reaction and he gets to juice up the old engine a little. This leads to lots of fun and playfulness, in and out of the bedroom. Conversely, it also leads to less temptation.
A new branch of evolutionary psychology related to relationship maintenance, tends to lean in my direction. In a study headed by Dr. Jon Maner and C. Nathan DeWall of the University of Kentucky, when they made it challenging for those study participants who were in a relationships to look at the photos of attractive people, their response was to try to look harder. Subsequently, this led to higher levels of dissatisfaction with their significant others and a greater tendency to view cheating as a real option.
In a nutshell, cock-blocking is bad; a little visual leeway (within respectful reason!) is good. The moral to the story is this: know your mate. If he’s the type that’s constantly breaking his neck to get a good look, this might be a sign that something wicked your way comes. However, if he is the wonderful love of your life and always behaves like a sweetheart, despite the lush bodied hottie that just breezed into the room, then maybe you should occasionally give him a little break, turn your back and let him look.