Dear Eve…

Dear Eve…

Did you really forsake millions of women for a quick one night romp in the Garden of Eden? Your reckless actions condemned the rest of us to ugly afflictions such as menstruation, girdles, pregnancy, weight gain, varicose veins, angst-riddled teens and pot-bellied husbands. I certainly hope it was worth it. I hope your orgasm was so earth shattering it made your teeth chatter and the Lord exclaim: ‘Goddamn almighty!’ from his lofty perch in the clouds. Adam must have been one studly beast for you to completely ignore the one rule you were given: ‘Whatever you do, just stay away from the apples!’ And instead of listening, not only did you pick the apples, you sliced ’em, diced ’em, put ’em in a pie and served it to poor, innocent Adam. Oh, you wicked, wicked girl. Now we’re all paying. Instead of scampering around paradise, free and naked as a jaybirds, we’re all hussied up with make-up, high-heels, fake tits, pumped lips and major self-esteem issues. Because of your little digression, men now rule the world–and have practically destroyed it might I add–wars broke out, seas heaved, temperatures rose, bras were invented, women were treated like second-class citizens and I’m forced to teeter around in painful stiletto heels (another male devised torture device) just to please a public that says you’re no good after forty. Good Lord, girl! Why couldn’t you just enjoy the simplicity of the Gardens pleasures, huh? There were cantaloupe, watermelon, peaches, kiwi, oranges, grapes, bananas and the list goes on, but the one thing you had to have was a boring, old apple? I don’t even like apples. Do you know your decision gave birth to whole women’s movements? The one that really turned things upside down was feminism. It was a great thing in many ways. It certainly helped us regain lost ground, no thanks to you. It seemed like a step forward for us women. But as time passed, I started to notice something fishy: women were doing just as much, plus they had the added pressures of a job! Now who was going to take care of the kids? A mess. A royal mess. With men and women working, once happy households became unbalanced, divorce rates shot up and kids have become techno zombies…

…and all because of one bite from an apple. Do me a favor: the next time a serpent offers you an apple, take the kiwi, instead!




About pwdergirl1

Powder Girl believes powerful women rock! Powderful girls are everywhere. My mission is to find you and show the rest of the world have fabulous you are!
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2 Responses to Dear Eve…

  1. Author Shauna says:

    This is real funny and interesting.

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