Why do we look so disparagingly upon the magnificent and underrated curse word? Personally, I love to fucking curse. It’s a release. Sort of like throwing a pricey piece of China against the wall and hearing it shatter into a gazillion satisfying little shards. I mean, what else can we do when a Godawful driver in a pricier vehicle cuts us off, nearly causing a ten car pileup, as we’re headed home to whining children and annoying spouses? Or when the shopper behind us surges forward to snatch the last of the seasons Tickle-Me-Elmo toys right from under our noses; the ONLY toy your child wanted for Christmas? Or when the cake falls, the turkey dries out, and your gravy is lumpy, and all the people you invited the last three Thanksgiving’s, but never showed up, are thumping at your door this holiday season just in time for all these catastrophes? Or when your more successful/perfect/beautiful sibling deftly points out all of your most embarrassing moments at what was supposed to be your best birthday party ever? What but God’s Gift to Language could solve the minor and major annoyances that life tosses in our paths? Opening your mouth and uttering a loud and empathetic ‘Fuck!’ ‘Shit!’ or ‘Goddammit You Fucking Asshole!” is the best therapy ever. I’m sure many a would-be-victim was left, body intact, because of proper languages bastard cousin–the curse word–being uttered in a time of great need. I often wonder how many men might still be alive today, if instead of their wives/girlfriends picking up guns, knives or a handy-dandy bottle of arsenic when they were caught in bed, doggy-style, with the neighbors eighteen-year-old daughter, they had screamed a loud and heartfelt ‘Fuck You You Lying Cheating Shit Eating Bastard!’? I guarantee you Lorena Bobbit uttered a tremendous curse when after years of alleged abuse, she merely cut her then husband John Bobbit’s dick off and tossed it in a field, as opposed to putting the same knife straight through his heart like many women probably would have done. Also, cursing allows many of us to have greater artistic and verbal creativity. Where the hell would we all be if comedian’s didn’t have curse words to contribute to their sometimes mediocre dialogues? There are a few comedians I can think of right now that wouldn’t be funny at all. Hell–many of the most famous rappers wouldn’t have a punchline if not for the noble curse word! Cursing adds a richness to the everyday boredom of modern English vernacular. Why, if cursing were never invented, states like New York and New Jersey would be wiped clean off the map. Not to mention how many reality stars would still simply be ‘Housewives’. I’ve read that there are languages, such as Japanese, that have no curse words. You know what I say to that? ‘FAAACCCK NO! You gotta be kiddin’ me!’ A language without curse words is not a language I want or need to learn. Cursing is a wonderful medium in which we can all become artists. As in any art form, some of us will be better at it, either because of frequent practice, or illustrative and creative interpretation. In parting I say: Live, love, curse well and goddamn it, CURSE OFTEN!
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